Dear Ted:
My question is about Topher Hairy Tuchas. He currently has a beard with some baggage of her own. Is she a Blind Vice, and could you give some details on their relationship? Are they just good friends, or is he actually having a sexual relationship with her? She is always with him even while he is filming on location.
—Phreezing in Philly
Dear Cold Front:
Someone seems pretty confident over there. Topher's beard hasn't starred in her own Vice, but she's certainly been a sidekick in a few. Believe you me, their bed is icier than Tuchas' lady.
Dear Ted:
Does Nelly Fang's beard have a Blind Vice of her own, or has she appeared as a guest star in someone else's?
—Amanda F., NYC
Dear What's in a Name:
Again, beard (as we typically use it here in the A.T.) isn't so much the right term since they certainly get it on—unlike Topher, above. Still, Nelly is getting it from everyone on the side, and we have a feeling she isn't lonely at night, either. Nelly's lady has appeared in another B.V., but she doesn't have her own.
Dear Ted:
I am bored with cabin fever in the great iced-over state of Texas right now and have been rereading the Toothy Tile archives, and I may be in left field with this guess but could T2 be Charlie Sheen?
—Julie in Texas
Dear Blown Away:
Not a terrible guess, J, but Toothy would never air his dirty laundry the way Sheen can't stop doing. T.T. is a much more private and smart guy. Charlie has been a Blind Vice before though and you're not too far off.
Dear Ted:
Is King Schlong George Clooney?
—LM
Dear Men of a Certain Age:
George is a little too old to be Schlong'ing around, but you've nailed it in the attitude department.
Dear Ted:
If Strippa Rip-Ya is who I think she is, she is everywhere these days. How is she holding up? Has her scumbag of a husband laid off or does he just know how to hit where the cameras won't see? Spousal abuse is a serious thing, and I think everyone is concerned about this individual especially if the jerk of a husband takes things too far. If this is well-known enough to reach the gossip circles, I hope she has someone close enough to her who will help!
—Concerned
Dear Mama Don't Preach:
Strippa just keeps cashing her checks (and, yes, she's had a lot lately). That's what makes her happiest.
Dear Ted:
On your Bitch-Back today, there was a question about Amy Adams and you answered she is boring as toast. On a different question about King Schlong you answered his gal is boring as toast. So, is King Schlong Darren DeGallo?
—K
Dear Det. Snoop:
K, what a little sneak you are! While you're wrong on this one, you certainly have a knack for my tactics. Keep trying, I have a feeling I'll get some right guesses out of you soon.
Dear Ted:
Has Traceless Turncoat been divorced? What's she been up to lately?
–Victoria
Dear TV Sneak:
Almost, but not yet. Lots!
Dear Ted:
Can you tell me if Keira Knightley has a Blind? She seems so sweet, but I need to know if it is a facade.
—tiffany
Dear Illegal Import:
Who, the lovely Ms. Knightley? Why, yes. When she was a bit younger and less sure of herself.
Dear Ted:
Zac Efron seems like a nice kid. Has he ever been a Blind Vice?
—D
Dear Six-Pack Sweetheart:
But of course! There are secrets behind those yummy dimples! That's not to say Zac isn't a nice kid, though. We still heart him, Vice and all!
Dear Ted:
Has Vanessa Hudgens ever been a Blind Vice?
—Hottie
Dear Shirtless Scandal:
Actually, no. V may have had her fair share of drama, but it's not too Vice-worthy. She hangs with people who are.
Dear Ted:
Is Me-Me Dallas single? Also, what has Jackie Bouffant been up to lately? I haven't heard about him in a while, so I was wondering if he's been doing anything Vice-worthy.
—X
Dear Couple:
Ah yes, two of our faves! Me-Me is single and slutty, per ususal. As is Jackie, although he's hooking up mostly with women though. Who'da thunk it? Now that I think about it, these two Vicers would totally make a hot couple. Wouldn't be surprised if they've done the nasty already, actually.