James Devaney/Getty Images, Ray Mickshaw/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
I was wondering if any onscreen and offscreen couples ever worked out. I was devastated when Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling didn't work out. Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for Robsten.
—Robsten Believer
Dear Spousal Selection:
For every Brad and Angelina whose relationship is—as you've asked, "working out" (if you can call just being a classier version of the Gosselins working out)—there's an equally tragic Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon. For every Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr., there's a Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. For every Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, there's a Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. You get my point.
Dear Ted:
Has Michael Jackson ever been the subject of a Blind Vice?
—Julie
Dear No Man in the Mirror:
Never was, believe it or not. Prolly 'cause all the scandalous stuff about his life was barely kept secret.
Dear Ted:
Do you think Fake à la Ferocity has learned anything from Michael Jackson's death, even if it's just to slow down a little?
—Brendalove
Dear Lesson Unlearned:
Unfortunately, much like Michael, F2 doesn't think her problem is that bad.
Dear Ted:
In your Tornado Watch, you say Australian men are "sexy, sweaty, hot and delicious." Then you left a clue in your Bitch-Back! about Nevis Divine being "less sweaty" than the Olivier Martinez! That a clue? I'm going to guess Nevis Divine is Eric Bana! Close?
—K From Kali
Dear Aussie Mystery:
Oh, puss, you're reading far too much into that. This is a simple blolumn, not a perfectly crafted web of carefully placed clues. Think less muscled, but just as deliciously dark—in some ways.
Dear Ted:
Why haven't you weighed in on Katie Holmes' embarrassingly bad performance on So You Think You Can Dance? All the hype, all the "hours of rehearsal time" for that? She basically stood around and posed, lip-syncing very badly. It was an insult to real dancers, most of whom work their butts off for years in anonymity and wouldn't give you two cents for Katie's "performance." Do you think she really is deluded enough to think she was good?
—Amy
Dear So She Thinks She Can Dance:
In all honesty, it was a travesty. But she probably loved it, same way Teri Hatcher obviously enjoyed the hell out of destroying "Before He Cheats" on American Idol. Only difference is Carrie Underwood had to listen to it—Judy didn't.
Dear Ted:
In your latest Celeb Addictionary, you mentioned you don't mind when Megan Fox "opens her trap," yet you're annoyed when fellas like Gerard Butler do. Just curious about your reasoning—I'm sure someone out there will call "hypocrite," but I know better and am going with "benefit of the doubt" on this one. You usually have a pretty good reason for your opinions that sometimes either don't make it completely into the blolumn or were mentioned in an earlier post.
—B
Dear Hot or Not?
Megan Fox is a wild, Amazonian, buxom temptress. Gerard Butler is, unfortunately, not.
Dear Ted:
Has everyone forgotten Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Don't get me wrong, I love Twilight, obsessed really. But come on. Twilight has nothing on Buffy. I love Bella and Edward, but Buffy and Angel were the first and will always be the best. And True Blood? Don't even get me started. Should have been titled Buffy at Twilight. Not original at all.
—Melnatric
Dear Vampirical Evidence:
Two Sarah Michelle Gellar references in one post? Talk about a flashback. Buffy, sadly, came about 10 years too early, but don't think that it wasn't just as much of a phenomenon back then as Twilight or True Blood are now!
Dear Ted:
After watching video and seeing pictures of Comic-Con, I have two theories about Robsten. 1: There is no Robsten, and they truly are good friends. 2: Robsten are so on and hot for each other but had to divert their attention elsewhere. When K.Stew was holding onto Taylor Lautner, she was leaning into Rob in the pictures. She was forcing her affection onto Jacob, causing herself to look utterly obnoxious and annoying. Whatever the outcome of Robsten, I hope it doesn't affect their onscreen chemistry. They still have two intense movies to make. I'm going with the latter of the theories. Ted, what do you think?
—Hopeful
Dear Theoretical Ted:
I think you're absolutely spot-on with your second theory. But don't forget to include the factor of outside forces...
Dear Ted:
I've been reading the Awful Truth for a few months and love the stories and Blind Vices. My problem, the nicknames for stars. Have any of these names been solved? Can you email me a list of the names and who they may or may not be? Or is there a place at the Awful Truth that has this information? I've posted some on the message boards and asked the same thing but never got an answer. It's frustrating coming in new and not having a clue who or what is being discussed or where to get the information. Your help will be much appreciated.
—Clraube
Dear We're on It!
Marc Snetiker is already working on a fabulous database of Blind Vice clues to be released soon! Until then, you can click on the Blind Vice category in the right-hand column to research all the dee-lish ones that have been posted in the past.
Dear Ted:
Didn't you think that the Twi press conference sucked? The attitude on Kristen and Robert is horrible. If they hate it so much, f--king go off and do something else. Do they realize how many actors on Broadway would kill to be in their positions? How many wonderful actors do not have jobs? How many excellent live theaters are closing across the country due to lack of attendance and no funds? Kristen and Rob should get with the program.
—Browngator
Dear Great White Wayside:
Ummm, sweetheart, I'm not sure what in the hell Broadway has to do with Kristen and Rob.
Dear Ted:
I know a lot of people love Jennifer Aniston as a person, but so many of her movies have flopped. And the ones that have been hits became successful because of her male costars, not because of her. She's a mediocre actress. And while she's pretty, she's no stunner. So why is she still getting leading roles very easily, while tons of talented, intelligent actresses who are better-looking and have hit movies and TV shows struggle to get work?
—E.B.
Dear Answer Me Aniston:
Darling, I'm right there up the confused tree with you. But knowing your way around Hollywood men (especially the powerful ones) like Jen does leads to big offers for sometimes dubious talent.
Dear Ted:
Since I'm not privileged like you lucky Americans and live in the Netherlands (that petite country next to Germany), I'm not able to attend stuff like Comic-Con. Is there any chance the Twilight crew might do a world tour and visit Amsterdam some day? You're invited as well!
—Miss Sahra
Dear Foreign Friend:
You can bet that the cast, vampire and nonvampire alike, will be making the rounds as the franchise continues to grow.
Dear Ted:
I have to ask, do you always speak in double negatives? Being someone who works with language professionally, I notice these things in a slightly different way perhaps than your average fan—it can make one's life rather complicated unless, of course, those close to you understand the doublespeak. It leaves you deliciously having said something that could be read any which way—a total noncommittal. Like all your clues for dear old Nevis Divine. Will you just tell me whether you pay as much attention to the words you choose (and even the punctuation) as your fans (and haters) do? On another note, love the new pup. How is it working out? We had a rescue dog for a while, but it started trying to bite everyone who came near us—lovely to us, but with lots of kids around we couldn't keep it. Our trainer fell in love with her and kept her.
—Anon
Dear Language Love:
It's an art, my dear. Confusion is the name of the game when you're playing with Blind Vices! Glad you got your guy a new home, too, thanks.
Dear Ted:
I thought it was cute when Nikki Reed surprised Kristen Stewart at Comic-Con. They both looked genuinely happy to see one another.
—Leigh Ann
Dear Mega Question:
Yeah, about as happy as Rob was to get called a woman by Nikki in People a few days later.