Fashion Police: Jessica Alba, Unfantastic

The gorgeous actress is having trouble choosing suitable roles...and clothes

Hey, Jessica Alba, some have critiqued your inability to choose a decent script. Looks like you're having similar problems picking a decent outfit for Los Angeles living. Here are some helpful rules that can apply to both your cinematic craft and casual couture.

1. Don't make it too complicated. No need to go for a layered performance. Just stick to your strongest assets. You don't have to wear four pairs of socks, nor do you need to dabble in "dialogue heavy" roles.
2. Understand exposure. It can be tricky—much like the waistline of your goofy shorts. Keep a lower profile.
3. In general, stay away from flashy diaper bags and Dane Cook movies, as both are filled with…well, you get it!