BravoAfter a first hour that felt more than a little empty, The Real Housewives of Orange County kicked it into high hear for part two of the season 10 reunion. And it was as delightfully insane as we'd hoped.
We were treated an update on Chateau Dubrow, Heather Dubrow palatial mansion-in-the-works (When will it be done? "They said December, so March," she said.), Jim Edmonds stopped by to defend his and wife Meghan King Edmonds' shaky marriage, and Shannon Beador was grilled on her reconciliation with cheating hubby David. But that was all a mere amouse bouche, getting us set for the night's main course: a visit from Vicki Gunvalson's daughter Briana Culberson.
Briana came ready for war, ready to take on her mom's embattled former beau, Brooks Ayers. But, wouldn't you know it, Brooks has a scheduling conflict that kept him far away from the O.C. If you think that kept Briana from talking, well, you haven't see much RHOC.
Between Briana's fiery takedown of Brooks, Heather's momentary loss-of-cool over a low blow Vicki lobbed at Tamra Judge during the season, and Shannon seemingly excusing her husband's affair, it was an hour full of insane quotes that demanded our attention. So, without any further ado, we present the craziest things said during part two of the RHOC reunion.
1. "Some sexual thing where you jerk something and circle around it." - Vicki, trying to explain what a "circle jerk" is, followed by Heather's droll: "It's kind of self-explanatory."
2. "He wants to be a quiet lamb. He wants to fade off into the sunset and I love that about him." - Vicki, describing ex-husband Donn in a totally not-creepy way. Not creepy at all.
3. "No, because I'm, like, 87 now. I think we're done." - Heather, on whether she'll harvest her two frozen embryos.
"I'll buy 'em off of you." - Host Andy Cohen, joking. We think.
4. "It's just not appropriate for everyone to be bickering just to bicker." - Jim, revealing he doesn't know much about the show he's on.
5. "She pretty much lost custody of one, she doesn't want to lose two more." - Vicki to Heather, in never-before-seen footage at Tamra's sex tape launch party, making light of Tamra's custody woes while watching Tamra jokingly playing with a sex toy, prompting this epic moment from Heather back at the reunion:
"I would never, EVER talk about this. I was so horrified because I couldn't believe you, being her friend for this many years, would bring that up."
6. "Sorry about that." - Vicki, meekly apologizing after being taken to task by Heather.
7. "I was nagging and complaining, thinking I would get what I wanted, and I realized that I can't." - Shannon, on why she thinks her husband cheated on her.
"That's bulls--t. It's not your fault." - Heather, speaking for viewers everywhere.
8. "He hit on me when I was pregnant at your birthday party. And I told her that he did it and she called me a liar and said that he would never want me." - Briana, on Brooks' behavior and Vicki's reaction upon hearing about it. Yikes.
9. "He wanted to show me his ween-ween. He told me it was really big and his nickname was Girth Brooks." - Briana, on Brooks' behavior, part two. Double yikes.
10. "F--k this guy. I'm done. This guy is a filthy piece of s--t." - Briana, on Brook's behavior, part three. Triple yikes.
11. "I guess I don't know everything." Vicki, after learning that a horse is both a mammal and an animal.
12. "Season 11, we all move in with Heather." - Tamra, predicting the event that leads to the apocalypse.
The Real Housewives of Orange County reunion concludes on Monday at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
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