The gaggle of sad, sycophantic losers—sorry, the bunch of fun loving kids—competing for sacred buddy privileges with Paris Hilton get a special poolside session of schooling from their hero, who's dressed in an '80s version of a 2001 space bikini. Or something.

Anyway, Hilton answers the pressing question, long on everyone's minds: Who's better, firefighters or police?

Hint: You can't get arrested by firefighters.