Bitch-Back! Do Blake and Penn Still Have It?

Readers ponder the off-camera love possibilities of Gossip Girl stars

Dear Ted:
I think Blake Lively and Penn Badgley make a cute couple and at one point I was all Team "Darena," but now I think Serena is much better with Nate. Would Blake also be better with Chace? I would totally love to see them together. What's your opinion?
—Nikki

Dear XOXO NO NO:
What little spark those two blond stars have is left on the Upper East Side, Nik, While they might be perfect to pal around together, Blake and Chace won't happen, like ever. She's far more suited for Penn, and even that's a stretch. Isn't this all just too sad for one of the most fun debauched shows on TV?

Dear Ted:
After the disappointing Ashton Kutcher movie Spread and now Killers...what the hell is going on? The guy just cannot score a decent movie role. Why do you think this is? He is funny, and handsome in a wholesome way, so is there some reason you know of and can share with us? I just don't get it. Do you think people are just turned off with his personal life?
—POC

Dear Pranks on Him:
Babe, I think the problem isn't that Kutch can't score a good flick, but that he thinks the movies he picks are good. He's not one for changing up his punch line, which is why his career has always been ho-hum comedies from Punk'd to Killers. Exception, of course, being Dude, Where's My Car? which was actually funny—just don't tell anyone I said it.

Dear Ted:
In your opinion, who's more likely to come out first: Toothy or Nevis?
—Sam

Dear Neither:
But if I had to pick, I would say—gasp—Toothy. Again, though, don't count on either happening anytime soon. Maybe by the time his offspring reach college age.

Dear Ted:
I love your column and read it every day, so when I saw this story on CNN, I immediately thought of you. Please spread the word to help the Gulf area pets affected by the oil spill!
—E

Dear Puppy Smooches:
Thanks love. Totally tragic, but it's good to know that help is being given to these pets in need and that their misfortune is being brought to light. Now if only people would give more a damn about all the animals affected by the spill and not just jobs.

Dear Ted;
Are we to believe this lovely picture Angie is painting in all of her press interviews for Salt? I would really like to think they are for reals, but there is so much gossip to the contrary. What's the deal? Is she lying through her pearly whites or could they really be a normal family behind closed doors?
—Mrs. Hand

Dear Miss Informed:
If you believe all the crap Ange is dishing out then there's a bridge I'd like to sell you. It's over Manipulation River (one of the most famous landmarks of Hollywood).

Dear Ted:
Not that I condone violence of any kind, and coming from someone who recently experienced it for the first time, I still think Oksana brought this all on herself. She knew exactly what she was doing, first with chasing a married man, then "accidentally" getting pregnant knowing full well she would be set for life. Call me a pessimist, but I personally am tired of these washed up no talent woman who know no other way to make a living than leeching onto a famous person, and then doing all it takes to ensure her "pay out" will last her a lifetime. Yuck. She is as bad if not worse than Mel himself in my book...sorry for the rant, but come on people, see her for what she is.
—Ami

Dear God:
How does it feel to sit up there and judge so smugly, always heard you were a much nicer person? Sorry to find out you're just an idiot who probably thinks rape victims ask for it. Has Mel set up a Swiss bank account for you, or something?

Dear Ted:
Like you guys at the AT, I'm a huge fan of True Blood and therefore also a fan of the sexylicious Alexander Skarsgård. For the life of me though I can't understand the level of bile directed at his current squeeze, Kate Bosworth. Sure, she hasn't been on the movie radar lately but her press isn't that bad—unless you know something us "civilians" don't?
—Mel

Dear Squashed:
There's nothing particularly wrong with K.B., really (except that she's boring with a capital B) but their whole relaysh is so forced down our throats that it's becoming rather annoying, if I do say so myself. I've said it before but I'll say it again, I want sexy, single Skarsgård back!

Dear Ted:
I love Channing Tatum. Does he have a healthy, strong marriage with Jenna? It certainly seems so. Is he one of the good guys in Hollywood? 'Cause he sure is yummy and after Dear John, probably has his pick of extracurricular activities!
—P

Dear Charming Chan:
I love him too, P., if that says something about the fine fellow. He's left all his dirt in the past, ya know, in his stripping days.

Dear Ted:
I've gotta say I've been staring at Joe Manganiello's photo for an hour. Could he possibly be any hotter? I liked him in One Tree Hill, now I'm in love with him. Dish on his personal life pretty please!
—Jane

Dear Ab-normally Amazing:
Sorry to break your heart (and mine too, babe, trust) but Joe is off the market. Doesn't mean we can't keep totally drooling over him, right?

Dear Ted:
I completely agree that Lea Michele and Cory Monteith don't make the best of couples—although they do look adorable. What do you say to Lea Michelle and Mark Sailing?
—Lily

Dear Coupling Costars:
Way more believable than Cory, but don't you think he's a way better fit with rumored GF Naya Rivera? I do, but hey—a little back stage cat fighting over the Mohawked hunk could be way juicy.

Dear Ted:
Have you seen this? Tres hot, has two rescue dogs and promotes rescue shelters. Too good to be true n'est-ce pas?
—Sam

Dear Halo-ed Hunk:
So good he just might pass up Jensen as my fave Supernatural hunk. I guess I'll have to sleep on it—guarantee myself some mighty delicious dreams.

Dear Ted:
I want to thank you for your stand against violence and abuse. Your comments on Polanski, Chris Brown, Charlie Sheen and now Mel Gibson are so great because you not only denounce the horrible actions of abusers but also name and shame those people who blame the victims and take the side of the abusers. I wonder if Whoopi Goldberg and others would still support Mel Gibson if instead of saying c--t, whore or bitch he said the N-word. I know that for you abuse is abuse no matter who it is aimed at—man, woman or child, black, white or purple, gay or straight, cats or dogs, and there is no excuse for it. I'm so proud of you for always speaking up and out on such an important issue. Some may find it strange that a gossip writer is also an advocate for justice and equality, but I don't, because you speak the truth when others remain silent. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's awful and sometimes it's righteous. Just wanted you to know my thoughts.
—Em

Dear Em:
Thank you.

Dear Ted:
I've been following the JoBros now for a few years and must tell you that I've become incredibly curious about a certain brothers romantic interests; and it ain't Nick's. So, what's the real dirt on Joe? A beautiful girl "conveniently" photographed with him every month and alleged make-up and break-ups. Oh, excuse me, I have to sneeze...Zanessa! Whew! Sorry about that. Anyway, so what's the deal with that beautiful, yet utterly confused young man?
—Steph

Dear Middle Bro Mayhem:
Give the boy a break, babe. He's just testing the waters trying to find the perfect fit. And so what if he hasn't found it yet? We can't all be like little Nick and find our Miley Cyrus right away.