politics (388 posts)

Shat happens.

Most recently, on Wednesday night, when William Shatner gifted the viral video gods with yet another dramatic interpretation of awe-inspiring tweets, this time seemingly from the mind and keyboard of pro leg-spreader Levi Johnston.

Only they weren't.

"We'd been following Levi on Twitter and felt his gift for the written word needed to be shared with the world," Conan O'Brien explained. "Today I wake up, very late, I sleep in, and I got some shocking news: Apparently the tweets that we read are counterfeit. They were written by a clever imposter posing as the witty Levi Johnston.

"And the real Levi is angry with us now."

So what better way to redress the balance than by inviting the beat poet extraordinaire back out to the stage to reinterpret some bonafide Johnston sound bites.

"The first thing Sarah said to me at the hotel was, you gotta cut your hair," the Shatman recited. "I told her, I didn't want to. I had a mullet at the time.

"Guess what? I shot a big ass bear," he went on. "I just get naked, that's what I do."

On second thought, he might have been better off laying claim to the counterfeit quotes.

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Want more funny videos? Check out the offerings from resident funnylady Chelsea Handler!

If we were Bristol Palin, we'd shut down our Twitter account now. After all, getting mocked dramatically reinterpreted by William Shatner has turned into a family affair for Alaska's former first family, as estranged baby-daddy turned professional trou-dropper Levi Johnston is the latest tweeter to get caught in Captain Kirk's crosshairs.

As he did with Sarah Palin (twice) before, the Shat man grabbed his bongos, his bass and his never-bland delivery, and gifted the Tonight Show audience with a beat-tastic reading of Johnston's 140-character musings.

Let's just say, he makes Palin look like a veritable wordsmith.

"Maybe I'm a genius and not even know it," Shatner recited. "Maybe I don't exist and it only seems like I do. Maybe this is a parallel universe where I don't. Anybody know where I can get some good weed?"

Turns out, you can take the hick out of Wasilla, but not out of tweets.

"What's the deal with taxi drivers not speaking English, is it a law against it?" he mused. The blissfully ignorant questions didn't stop there.

"Is it true that fat kids never get kidnapped?"

And no tweet reenactment would be complete without touching on his upcoming, highly unanticipated Playgirl spread.

"You know you're a celebrity when strangers want to see your penis. LMAO."

Yes, Levi. But only to L their own AO.

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AP Photo/Chris Miller; AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast

It's not that often that we agree with Sarah Palin this strongly.

The former Republican vice presidential nominee has been known to state the preposterous, but calling her daughter's baby daddy desperate hits below the belt and right on the money.

Levi Johnston, who will be showing all of his assets in an upcoming issue of Playgirl, appeared on The Early Show Wednesday morning and claimed the former Alaska governor refers to her infant son with Down Syndrome, Trig, as "retarded."

"We have purposefully ignored the mean spirited, malicious and untrue attacks on our family," Bristol Palin's mom said in a statement. "We, like many, are appalled at the inflammatory statements being made or implied. Trig is our 'blessed little angel' who knows it and is lovingly called that every day of his life. Even the thought that anyone would refer to Trig by any disparaging name is sickening and sad."

And then comes the big finish.

"Consider the source of the most recent attention-getting lies—those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention."

Hey, she said it!

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Speaking of people who say the darndest things, have you seen Paris and the pumpkin in Big Pic?

Evandro Inetti/ZUMAPress.com

One of Hollywood's most vociferous liberals, Sean Penn, is back doing his favorite thing: riling Americans with his controversial travels. (Or is his favorite thing getting nominated for Oscars? It's a toss-up.)

The two-time Academy Award winner has embarked on a short trip to Cuba as a journalist on assignment for Vanity Fair and The Huffington Post.

Rumor has it he's there to interview Fidel Castro; however, his rep tells E! News the actor has no set plans to meet with former Cuban leader.

But that's not to say they won't meet up...

Especially considering Sean has already met and written about Castro.

This is just one more stop on the Sean Penn Journalist Tour, which has also included visits to Iraq, Iran and Venezuela. The actor provides lengthy candid accounts of his trips "in hopes of demythologizing” these places as he believes America is "becoming increasingly gullible to the demonizing of foreign states or leaders."

But will anyone be able to get past the fact that the man shoving his political beliefs in our faces is just an actor and not a newsman?

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Enough with the politics! Where are famous people getting their pumpkins? That's what we all want to know, and we have the answers right here.

AP Photo/Susan Walsh

Just in time for the holiday season, Nicole Kidman turned up in Washington, D.C., to encourage peace on earth and good will toward women.

The Oscar-winning actress and Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) said today before a House Foreign Affairs subcommittee that she is through with roles that sell tickets sexually objectify and demean women, while admitting that movie stereotypes "probably" contribute to instances of violence in real life—though Hollywood has also "contributed to solutions."

"I can't be responsible for all of Hollywood but I can certainly be responsible for my own career," said Kidman, who was on Capitol Hill to promote the International Violence Against Women Act and, of course, lobby for more funds for programs that aid the fairer sex around the globe.

"I am far from an expert, I rely on the people I've met to make the case," she continued, adding that crimes like rape and domestic violence recognize "no borders, no race or class."

"In the real world, the laws go unenforced and impunity is the norm. We need the money."

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Nicole and her cause make for a good-looking addition to our Do-Gooder Gallery.

AP Photo/Gary He, Hannah Mason/Getty Images

As far as the NFL is concerned, singing and dancing around in your delicates makes you much more qualified to own a football team than waxing blowhard ever will.

Sorry (but not that sorry), Rush Limbaugh.

While the bloviating conservative pundit's "divisive comments" (now there's an understatement) are being blamed for his failure to make headway in his bid for the St. Louis Rams, Fergie is the latest in a long line of celebrities who have been getting the red carpet rolled out as an NFL part-owner.

Apparently, wardrobe malfunctions are no longer of chief concern to the league.

Marc Anthony, Venus and Serena Williams and Gloria Estefan will be making room in their skybox with word that the Black Eyed Pea has become the latest star in the increasingly disparate constellation that is the Miami Dolphins ownership. Or at least she will once she returns from her Australia tour and can formally sign the paperwork.

Like the other coowners, Fergie will likely be expected to show her face at the stadium for a handful of home games—therein attracting, the hope is, more of the ticket-buying public.

And it might get a certain wannabe recruit that much closer to the roster.

Forget "are you ready for some football?" The reason question is, "Is football ready for you?" As long as your name isn't  Limbaugh, the answer is a resounding yes.

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Check which other stars make up the gridiron gang in our Sports Nuts: Famous Fans gallery.

twitter.com/BarackObama

Mr. President, you've just been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. What are you going to do next?

Twitter, of course!

"Humbled," was all Barack Obama wrote on his account, but the post has been RT'ed so much throughout the Twitterverse that the word is near the top of the trending topics.

Needless to say, several celebs have chimed in with re-tweets and reactions positive and negative.

High School Musical's Corbin Bleu adds to his RT, "One of the reasons why I admire him." Modern Family's Jesse Tyler writes, "Love it! Congrats Obombs!!!!!" Dollhouse's Eliza Dushku links to CNN's story and says, "Incredible!"

"OBAMA is the greatest," types Chris Brown.

Then there was one of our favorite tweeps, Kirstie Alley, who was dubious of the choice...

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AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast

Ladies, suppress your gag reflex: Levi Johnston is posing for Playgirl.

The opportunistic absentee Alaskan baby daddy is currently de-doughing himself for the nudie shoot, which, his lawyer Rex Butler told Us Weekly, will be assaulting the magazine's internet-only pages "probably before the end of the year."

"Team Levi is in the process of preparing for his Playgirl appearance," Butler said. "He is in the gym six days a week for the next three weeks."

Unfortunately for Team Levi, the booking is not quite as done a deal as the 19-year-old's people would like us to believe. Butler admits while there isn't a contract, the shoot is a "foregone conclusion."

But not in the nude—according to Gawker, Johnston agreed only to an undies-on shoot. Talk about an elephant in the room.

Looks like for the time being those pistachios are the only nuts he's willing to share.

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Missed Levi's pistachio commercial? Go nuts and check it out now.

Scholastic/ AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano

Noted Muggle/compassionate conservative George W. Bush was apparently a devout Harry Potter hater.

The former commander in chief wasn't about to honor J.K. Rowling, the talent behind the book series, with the Presidential Medal of Freedom...and for quite the logical reason.

"People in the White House…actually object[ed] to giving the author J.K. Rowling a presidential medal because the Harry Potter books encouraged witchcraft," writes former Bush speechwriter Matt Latimer in his book, Speechless: Tales of a White House Survivor.

That's right. Good ol' Dubya and his administration dissed the mega-selling British author, refusing to let her join the ranks of James A. Michener, Harper Lee and George Steinbeck. (Guess he figured the Secret Service could handle any Avada Kedavra curse flung his way.)

Bush distributed 81 medals during his time in office, mostly to war-related allies.

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There's plenty of magic happening in our Casting Couch gallery!