Tila Tequila Explains Her Terrifying Suicidal Tweets

MTV's former reality starlet blogs about her meltdown that resulted in an unusual use of Twitter

MTV fans can relax. Tila Tequila isn't planning to kill herself.

But the chilling suicidal Twitter messages she sent out into the ether early Monday morning were as they seemed—a cry for help.

"I am going to kill myself cuz I don't want to life in a world where its filled with IGNORANCE! which majority of you ARE! & racists!" she threatened. "As dark descends into my world…I drown at night, without a fight. One last breath before I go. Dont mourn me world, I will die slow."

Thankfully, she's taken a shot at explaining herself via her Global Grind blog.

"I am a bit embarrassed and ashamed that the whole world witnessed my very public meltdown about being suicidal, but at the same time, I know that I shouldn't be," she writes in a post titled, "Suicide Is Not the Answer." "Had I not spoken out for help, my loved ones would not have seen my cry for help, and I probably wouldn't be alive today. Had I not done what I did that night, I most definitely would have made the biggest mistake of my life, that I can never undo."

Earlier in the message, she explains the root of her meltdown, starting with her domestic violence situation last month. She was hospitalized after an alleged altercation with her boyfriend at the time, San Diego Chargers player Shawne Merriman. Days later, the case was dismissed due to lack of evidence.

"Because of the post traumatic stress that I have suffered from that incident, and the tremendous amount of pressure from media scrutiny, I finally had a meltdown," she explains. "For one person to have to deal with the weight of the world on her shoulders, it's not as easy as one may think…I didn't give myself a chance to rely on anyone for emotional support and therefore, I became isolated."

Tila goes on to say that she's now seeking medical attention and "slowly, but surely, picking up all of the broken pieces and trying to put it all back together again."

And, not only has she learned her lesson from this experience, but she's passing the message on to others.

"Life is such a precious thing and we must not take it for granted! The fact that I am still alive today, to be able to wake up and see what the world has to offer me, I have never appreciated a day more than today!"

We'll drink to that.