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TLC Lets the Door Hit Jon (Not So Much Kate) on the Way Out

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At this point, there's almost nothing we don't already know about Jon and Kate Gosselin.

He likes Ed Hardy, ticking every box off the midlife crisis checklist and demanding privacy from the paparazzi, unless of course they want to patronize his lemonade stand or capture him bringing flowers to his ex-wife. His dislikes include spell-check and Nancy Grace.

She, on the other hand, enjoys employing ghost writers to pen cookbooks on organic food, berating her personality-challenged husband and recouping hundreds of thousands of dollars that were rightfully hers to begin with. She's not such a fan of anything less than industrial-strength pomade.

This much we know.

But TLC is reminding us of a few other Gosselin truths that have gotten lost along the way in the torn-apart family's reality swan song, as Jon & Kate Plus 8 comes to its confessional- and montage-filled series end tonight.

Like, no matter how heinous you think their parents are—and at this point it is just a matter of degrees—those Gosselin Plus 8 are downright adorable (and, lest we forget, the reason viewers flocked in the first place).

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Jackson's Cash-Strapped Doctor Returns to Work

Dr. Conrad Murray AP Photo/Isaac Brekken

The doctor is in. Heaven help the patients.

The increasingly cash-strapped Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's infamous MD and the doctor at the center of authorities' still-pending investigation into the pop icon's death, returned to work Friday.

"Because of a deteriorating financial condition and prompting by many of his beloved patients, on Nov. 20, 2009, Dr. Conrad Murray resumed his cardiology practice in Houston, Texas," Murray's attorney, Ed Chernoff, said.

And he's wasting no time in expanding his services to the full scope of his former clientele.

"Dr. Murray plans to attend to patients in both Las Vegas and Houston. His decision to first return to practice in Houston was made because of the greater need these low-income patients have for his services and the prohibitive cost of reopening his clinic in Las Vegas."

And if you think people may be hesitant to get treated by the doctor who may or, slightly less likely, may not have had anything to do with Jackson's death, well, think again.

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Good News for Miley: She's Officially Not a Racist

Miley Cyrus RIV/Fame Pictures

When Miley Cyrus' infamous slant-eyed photo leaked online, we knew there was going to be trouble. When a Los Angeles woman filed a class-action suit against the Disney star on behalf of her Asian brothers and sisters, we knew it was going to be a lengthy battle. But when it turned out she was seeking roughly $4 billion—yes, billion—in damages from the teen, we knew what outcome was inevitable.

In a win for common sense everywhere, an L.A. judge today threw out Lucie Kim's lawsuit, saying that while the photo may have been offensive, it didn't break any state laws.

Especially not the one Kim claimed it did.

In her complaint, Kim accused Cyrus of violating a statute that prohibits businesses from discriminating against minorities, specifically in terms of offering equal access to public accommodations.

And while Miley's clearly a budding empire, she's not, strictly speaking, a business. Or, so far as we know, offering shelter.

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Snipes Appeals Overly Taxing Prison Sentence

Wesley Snipes Johnny Nunez/Getty Images

Not paying your taxes for five years? Understandable. Going to prison for three years as a result? Totally unreasonable. At least according to Wesley Snipes' crack (but not that crack) defense team.

Attorneys for the Uncle Sam-dodging Blade star have filed an appeal against the actor's would-be imprisonment, calling the sentence "unreasonable" and claiming that his tax-evasion trial—which came to a close last February after Snipes was convicted on three misdemeanor counts of failing to file a return—should have taken place in New York and not Florida.

Nevermind that the 47-year-old actor's housing records showed that he lived in both states or that his legal team had ample time prior to the years-in-the-making trial to seek the location swap.

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Miley Cyrus' Tour Bus in Deadly Crash

Miley Cyrus Eric Charbonneau/Le Studio/Getty Images

One person is dead and several more suffered minor injuries after Miley Cyrus' tour bus crashed and flipped onto its side in Virginia this morning.

Cyrus herself was not on board the bus at the time—she was instead recovering from channeling Pretty Woman-era Julia Roberts. But, according to media reports, the vehicle involved was the Disney star's usual mode of transportation between shows.

The driver of the bus, whose identity has not been released, is the sole known casualty.

The crash took place around 8:15 a.m. in the town of Dinwiddie, roughly 40 miles south of Richmond. While the cause of the fatal accident is not yet known, Virginia State Police confirm that the roads were wet at the time.

The bus was likely en route to  Greensboro, N.C., where Cyrus' next concert is scheduled to take place Sunday night.

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This news is tragic. Cheer yourself up by looking at some pretty, pretty vampires.

Brad Pitt's New Fight Club: Battling Aliens

Brad Pitt AP Photo/Stephen Chernin

On the eve of New Moon's opening, it's only natural O.G. cinema vamp Brad Pitt would want a share of the spotlight.

And what Pitt wants, Pitt gets, this time courtesy of the news that he's set to develop—and most likely take the lead role in—a big screen adaptation of Dark Void, a forthcoming shoot-'em-up video game.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Pitt would ostensibly star as Will, a cargo pilot who finds himself in a parallel universe after crashing in the Bermuda Triangle. He and his outnumbered crew, along with their mysterious, unnamed "powers," end up fighting aliens that the previously presumed to be extinct.

The film-inspiring game is released in January.

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Check out who else is making the big screen rounds in our Casting Couch gallery.

Foodie Fight! Martha Slams Rachael, Says Dueling Domestic Diva Is "Not Good Enough"

If you can't take the heat, get out of Martha Stewart's kitchen. That means you, Rachael Ray.

While it was just a week ago that the dueling domestic divas made nice by making their first joint appearances on their respective daytime chatfests, apparently a few days are all Stewart needed to make up her mind about Ray's culinary prowess. Or lack thereof.

In an interview set to air tonight on Nightline, the high priestess of homemaking shuts down any would-be comparisons with her long-rumored younger rival.

"Well, to me, she professed that she could—cannot bake," the ice queen begins. "She just did a new cookbook, which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. And that's not good enough for me.

"Rachael is different," Stewart goes on. "She is more of an entertainer…with her bubbly personality, than she is teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be."

And lest there be any confusion, that's not a good thing. That sound you hear? That's the sound of it being on.

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Nic Cage Is All Over This Pirate Problem, Savvy?

Nicolas Cage AP Photo

Nicolas Cage clearly felt he owed one to the pirate community. Either that, or he was hoping they'd help him out with a much-needed booty haul.

The financially drained thesp and, as it happens, U.N. Ambassador on Drugs and Crime, paid a visit to Kenya this week where he met with imprisoned Somali pirates to find out what exactly is fueling the swarthy ones' increased—and increasingly dangerous—criminal activity.

And if they should have slipped him a treasure map on his way out of the prison gates, so be it.

Sadly, that was not to be. Though he didn't walk away from the meet-and-greet empty-handed, having armed himself with a new understanding of their plight.

"Then I'm in a position where I can actually make some sense and talk about it when I go back to the States where I go talk to different U.N. councils and discuss the matter," he told reporters at the Shimo-la-Tewa facility, which, incidentally, he dubbed the "warmest prison in the world."

If he gives them the Somalis the same good PR he brought to the people of Australia recently, well, we're all in luck. Still, good to know the screening process for the U.N. ambassadorships (for drugs and crime, no less) is still as rigorous as ever.

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Hey, did you hear? Pirates trump vampires. Condolences, R. Pattz.

Kate Major's Gonna Sue the Ed Hardy Track Pants Off Jon Gosselin

Jon Gosselin, Kate Major INFphoto.com

All was quiet on the Gosselin front—for a few days, anyway—but not anymore. And you have Kate Major to thank.

The tabloid reporter turned comically contracted personal assistant/romantic interest of Jon Gosselin is ready to launch a battle royale against the reality douche dad.

"One day this nightmare will hopefully end," she tweeted today. "If he would have told the TRUTH we wouldnt be in this position…."

You don't have to strain too hard to figure out the "he" to whom she's referring.

Major has already lawyered up in advance of a potential lawsuit, which, per RadarOnline, will include claims of breach-of-contract, fraud and loss of wages.

She claims that Gosselin apparently failed to make good on the hand-scrawled, half-baked terms of their contract, which promised Major a salary commensurate to her Star paycheck and "a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement."

Hey, Jon, ever feel like your best just isn't good enough?

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Ever wonder why Jon just can't keep his mouth shut? You're in luck, cause so did Answer Bitch and she somehow got to the bottom of his bottomless trap.

Real Housewives Death Declared a Homicide

Kandi Burruss, Ashley Jewell Prince Williams/Getty Images

A.J. Jewell's death may have been an accident, but it was a preventable one.

The death of the former fiancé of Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kandi Burruss has been declared a homicide by Georgia's Fulton County medical examiner's office, which confirmed earlier speculation that the street fight Jewell got into on the night of his death was exacerbated by his sickle-cell anemia.

"Although Mr. Jewell died of complications of his underlying natural disease conditions, the complications would not have occurred if he had not experienced the extreme exertion that was part of the physical altercation," stated the report, obtained by the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

"Due to the active involvement of another person, the manner of death is classified as a homicide."

But if you think the report brought any sense of closure to Jewell's still-grieving family, well, think again.

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Jennifer Hudson's Post-Murder Movie: A Win-Winnie Situation

Jennifer Hudson, Winnie Mandela Frank Micelotta/Getty Images, Alexander Joe/AFP/Getty Images

Jennifer Hudson is going first lady on us. Just not our first lady.

The Oscar winner is baiting the Academy once more, this time as she signs on to star as the titular Winnie in a biopic about the wife of former South Africa prez Nelson Mandela.

According to Variety, the drama, based on the Anne Marie du Preez Bezrob biography Winnie Mandela: A Life, won't shy away from the less flattering and more controversial elements of the famous spouse's life.

A mom and, of course, wife, Mandela was a loyal supporter of her husband's and was jailed herself. In later years, she was accused of horrendous human rights violations by an ex-bodyguard, who claimed she regularly ordered him to beat and kill people, including a 14-year-old boy. She was convicted of kidnapping and assault.

Not that Hudson's worried about taking on such a challenging role...

"I was compelled and moved when I read the script," Hudson told the trade mag of the part, which will be her first since the tragic deaths of her mother, brother and nephew last fall. "Winnie Mandela is a complex and extraordinary woman and I'm honored to be the actress asked to portray her.

"This is a powerful part of history that should be told."

There's no word yet on who will play Nelson Mandela, but if producers choose to go the May-December route, Variety helpfully points out that Morgan Freeman is already playing the iconic figure opposite Matt Damon in the forthcoming Invictus, directed by Clint Eastwood.

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Check out which other stars are making their way to the big screen in our Casting Couch gallery.

Ryan Seacrest Restrains Alleged Stalker

Ryan Seacrest, Chidi Uzomah Chris Weeks/ Getty Images; City of Orange Police Department

The streets—primarily those around his office—are once again safe for Ryan Seacrest.

A judge has granted the E! News anchor a permanent restraining order against Chidi Benjamin Uzomah Jr., the knife-wielding Seacrest obsessive who bum-rushed his radio studio last month.

The much-needed order prevents the 25-year-old Army-shaming Uzomah from coming within 100 yards of Seacrest, his home, his car, and all of his ever-increasing places of business for the next three years. He is also to refrain from having any direct or indirect contact with the pervasive personality.

As it is, it's the second such order to be placed against the man on behalf of our fearless leader: In the immediate aftermath of the would-be Oct. 30 meeting, Seacrest obtained a temporary restraining order against Uzomah.

Uzomah, who pleaded not guilty to felony stalking, remains in custody on $150,000 bail. If convicted on all three counts, he faces up to four years in prison.

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Check out who else has gone from big time to big house with a look through our Court Appearances gallery.

The Big Picture

Hamm 'n' Cheese Our fave goofball Jon seems sorta determined to prove he's nothing like Don Draper in real life

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