Week in Review: Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson Get a Big "F-U" Right Back

Tough judge shows LiLo the cell door, as Mel's career takes a turn for the worse

Not that Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson hadn't been flailing for years already, but the ne'er-do-wells of late each got a big plate of comeuppance served cold this week.

While LeBron James opted to chuck six years of NBA and civic heroics into the toilet overnight, both Lohan and Gibson have been embroiled in long, slow declines that may finally have reached their nadirs.

Suffice it to say, no Emmy noms for them (or Jay Leno) this year!

LO POINT: After turning in her least believable performance to date, Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail, technically for probation violation, but really for being a brat. A brat who came to court with the phrase "f--k u" scribbled on her manicure. And as is the case with most brats, the underlying problem is probably nothing a troubled gal couldn't overcome with the help of a great lawyer (um...), parents who don't suck (er...) and a strong support system (maybe...). Her career having already hit the skids anyway, it's hard to imagine her coming back from this. But I know what you're all thinking: What about the Linda Lovelace movie?!

MELEE: Even the people who used to make a lot of money off of Mel Gibson don't want him around anymore. Following the death of the actor's longtime agent, William Morris Endeavor Entertainment—and Mel-opposed chief exec Ari Emmanuel—cut ties with the Lethal Weapon hunk turned inglorious bastard. While Emmanuel may have been itching to blackball Gibson since the Anti-Semitic DUI of '06, the domestic violence investigation and wretched shouting match with baby mama Oksana may have convinced the remaining holdouts.

EMMY GOLD: HBO could theoretically win 101 Emmys next month. The premium cable net leads all comers for the 62nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, which, show-for-show, made nomination champs out of The Pacific (24), Glee (19) and Mad Men (17). E! Online already has, and will continue to provide, copious coverage of your fave stars' reactions and preparations for the big night, Aug. 28. Conan O'Brien, for one, is excited about what this means for the future of The Tonight Show.

THORNY: Another couple is buried in The Bachelor(ette) rose garden. This time it's Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski who have called off their engagement, giving new hope to romantics everywhere that one day, they too, can be broken up with on national TV, be given the opportunity to return the favor 24 times and then have their dashed dreams make headlines. And don't forget the not-so-subtle push to return the ring or the televised postmortem!

HAVING A BITE: Now that their Eclipse duties are done, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have nothing but time to be together. Not necessarily together together, but still. Dinner and a movie? An indie-rock show? They're practically married by Silverlake hipster standards! Oh, and here's the trailer for something K.Stew actually acted in.

THAT'S AMORE: Jessica Simpson enjoyed a Romanesque holiday with her new man. She obviously didn't wear this.

WEDDING BELLS: Carrie Underwood is taking the plunge tonight...Is Sophia Bush ready to go down that road again?...Jason Segel officiated for an E! editor...Carrie Prejean and Kyle Boller made it official...Jenna Fischer swapped vows with Lee Kirk.

HEY BABY: Kick-Ass 20-year-old Aaron Johnson welcomed a daughter (his first, wouldn't ya know!) with 43-year-old filmmaker Sam Taylor Wood.

SPLITS ARE THE PITS: Melissa Etheridge's ex, Tammy Lynn Michaels, wants sole custody of their kids...Kelsey Grammar is already denying nasty split-related rumors...Did anyone catch Jake and Vienna hashing it out on The Bachelorette?

SPLITS ARE FOR KIDS: Larry King and Shawn Southwick called off their divorce, look forward to more Little League together.

FILM SCHOOL: Our Twilight vs. Harry Potter contest is really heating up.

GET HER TO THE GREEK: Jennifer Lopez canceled a command performance in the Turkish section of Cyprus after thousands of Greek Cypriots complained.

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN: The Grammys have adjusted the rules for the Best New Artist category so that last year's Lady Gaga snub never happens again.

COAL MINER'S FODDER: Ashley Judd angered the coal-mining industry when she called for an end to mountaintop reclamation (i.e. blowing the tops off mountains to get at the coal). So some real creative types responded by plastering a 4-year-old photo of a topless (but covered) Judd onto a sign defending the practice.

COURTED: Don Johnson was awarded $23 million in his Nash Bridges profit beef.

NEW LEAF: Levi Johnston has gone all contrite on us.

GET WELL SOON: Absolutely Fabulous comedienne Jennifer Saunders is saucily battling breast cancer...Jeremy London admits that battling addiction is hard...Dean McDermott's out of the hospital and recuperating at home.

LAW-ABRADING: Former ESPN analyst Jeremy Green was charged with possession of narcotics and, even worse, child pornography...Is John Stamos' sex life fair game at trial?...George Michael ran his car into a shop window in London and was arrested for being "unfit to drive."

KEEPING UP: Khloé Kardashian Odom helped rescue a dog...Kim Kardashian and her new "friend" spent the 4th in New York celebrating Khloé's b-day.

SCENE: Jennifer Aniston on a dinner date with actor Christopher Gartin...Sandra Bullock and son Louie furniture shopping in Austin on the 4th...Paris Hilton not letting an inconsequential pot bust get her down in South Africa.