Michael Loccisano/Getty Images; Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images; Frederick Breedon/Getty Images; Jean-Paul Aussenard/Getty Images; Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images

Let's hear it for romance!

We can't all be living out cinematic vampire-human fantasies in real life, but even if your great love affair ends with a phone call, you can still write 11 songs about it and become the biggest thing to hit the Country Music Association Awards since Dolly Parton's upper half.

Read up on how how Taylor Swift turned heartache into four pointy crystal trophies—and on everything else of note that happened this week—right here:

1. If Taylor Swift's smash-hit album Fearless was one big diary entry, then expect her next effort to be 12 tunes all about overwhelming success. She started off the week with a killer SNL monologue, then went on to sweep her categories at the 2009 CMA Awards, including Entertainer of the Year, an honor that women—let alone teenage girls—pretty much never win. Basically, all the guys who got in her way this year are currently busy pulling a cowboy boot out of their respective asses.

2. On the more notorious end of the fame spectrum, ex-beauty queen Carrie Prejean is having to spend her book publicity tour ruing the day she made a sexy video of herself for a boyfriend when she was 17. But while she approved of Sean Hannity's Q&A approach, the 22-year-old took microphone-ripping-off issue with Larry King's "inappropriateness."

3. The Twilight Saga: New Moon publicity train steamed into Europe this week, registering even hotter than usual—and not just due to that fire alarm in London! A paparazzo scored a real, live photo of Robert Pattinson and a questionably dressed Kristen Stewart—gasp?!—walking hand in hand at a small French airport. At least they were until this angry wolf came out of nowhere and jumped on Rob's back, ripping his pea coat to shreds. He should be back in fighting form in time for the People's Choice Awards, which is all about the vampires this year.

4. Oprah Winfrey was even bigger than usual this week—figuratively, we mean—when she interviewed both the 56-year-old woman whose face was ripped apart by her boss' pet chimpanzee earlier this year and Twilight series author Stephenie Meyer, who will be doing no other formal interviews in advance of New Moon's Nov. 20 premiere. Obviously completely polar opposites in terms of subject, tone and audience response, but Oprah handled them both with her usual panache. And the gets don't stop there—Sarah Palin's sit-down airs next week.

Gilbert Carrasquillo / Getty Images

5. Legalese: Jon Gosselin wants $5 million from TLC for effing up his children's lives...DJ AM's family alleges that his '08 plane crash ultimately resulted in his death by overdose...Eddie Cibrian sued Life & Style for reporting that he's a cheatin' fool...Justin Timberlake secured a restraining order against a "fan"...Richard and Mayumi Heene of Balloongate fame copped to lesser charges of being ridiculous to avoid jail time...Crrrazy comedian Kat Williams was busted for allegedly breaking, entering and stealing...Mike Tyson was arrested for punching a really annoying-sounding photographer...Stephanie Pratt pleaded not guilty to DUI.

6. Lindsay Lohan's dad just won't quit, this time releasing a tape he quietly made of a conversation with Dina Lohan, in which she talks about her daughter having a relationship with Heath Ledger at the time of his death. Dina calls her ex's actions "unforgiveable."

7. Cindy Crawford is the latest monied celeb to allegedly be the target of an extortion scheme. Turns out a guy who her creepy nanny picked up in a bar turned out to be a real creep himself—he found a photo the nanny admitted to taking of Crawford and Randy Gerber's 7-year-old daughter bound and gagged (Horrifying Fact No. 1), and then demanded at least $100,000 from the couple to keep it out of the tabloids. And the guy, a German national who was deported back to his home country last month, has a nasty history: His ex-wife accused him of rape, battery and emotional abuse.

Lester Cohen/Getty Images

8. TV Land: Khloé Kardashian's wedding special did monster numbers for E!, which should take the edge off the dumb thing Shanna Moakler said...Happy 40th birthday, Sesame Street!...Lou Dobbs called it a career (the CNN portion of it, anyway)...Dollhouse was canceled, but all sorts of stuff is still going down on Dexter, Glee, Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Melrose Place, America's Next Top Model (SPOILER), Top Chef, So You Think You Can Dance, Desperate Housewives and Dancing With the Stars...Vampire Diaries wants Taylor Swift...Donald Trump is coproducing a dating show for Omarosa, which should be especially horrible...Watch With Kristin wants your help saving a show.

9. Love Games: Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman still appear to be on...Josh Radnor and Lindsay Price appear to be on the outs...Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough do not, though they technically are...Adam Lambert is newly single...Toni Braxton and her hubby are separating...Tara Reid might be engaged...Marla Sokoloff got married...Ron Livingston tied the knot with former Standoff costar Rosemarie DeWitt, aw...Céline Dion, whose last in vitro procedure didn't take, is still hoping to get pregnant...Ashley Jensen had a baby...Tiffani Thiessen and Rebecca Gayheart are pregnant (and, in one of their cases, smoking).

10. Music Matters: Kris Allen illustrates how to "Live Like We're Dying," while Lady Gaga shows how "Bad Romance" can get...In defending herself from a claim that she lip-synced onstage in Australia, Britney Spears said nothing of import whatsoever...In fact, the Devil has more to say than Brit...It cost more than $1 million to lay Michael Jackson to rest.

________

There was a lot to read about last week but there's even more to look at. Get caught up with our Big Picture gallery.