The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
Is it me, or does Mel Gibson's new baby mama really resemble Octomom? And expecting Mel's baby number eight—coincidence?
—Vickizat

Dear Full of Eight:
Isn't Oksana the creepiest? I mean, Gibson's a total turd for doing what he did, but what kind of woman would hook up with such a cheating, drunken tool? And yeah, the real Octomom wishes she were in Mel's (or Brad's) arms right now! Hasn't that been what this whole procreation media tour's been about, wanting to ultimately be—and play with—all the dimpled celebs? I mean, motherhood, that's so last season, right?

Dear Ted:
Keep slapping on Carrie Prejean—what a phony! If one more person cries "marriage is sacred, wah-wah," I'm gonna hurl! Two people who love and commit to each other should be allowed to marry, period!
—Spanky

Dear Vomit-Ready:
Prepare to thin down to Kate Bosworth stuff, Spanky, 'cause you gonna be hurlin' a lot as this gay marriage debate rages on.

Dear Ted:
It seems that your opinions about Nikki Reed have changed. You're actually feeling sorry for her in your posts, putting her back on the Rob running (sort of), and (dare I say it) kissing ass! So what's the deal? She get to you, too? Say it ain't so, babe!
—Lauraroy6

Dear Bum Detective:
If I'm smooching Nikki Reed's butt, then I'd hate to see what would happen if I hated her. Which I don't. I just don't like to see anybody get tossed off like that, that's all. How in the hell does that make me an ass kisser?

Dear Ted:
In your own words, do you think there's something missing in this whole Chris Brown and Rihanna case? It just seems like every time I see her eyes, it's like the truth wants to come out.
—Kelliesia

Dear Great Question:
Couldn't have asked it better. Enough with the strip clubs until the ugly truth is resolved, know what I mean?

Dear Ted:
What's the real story with Ashton and Demi? Are they as normal as they seem?
—Kayla, Atlanta

Dear Sorry to Say:
Uh, yeah, the way they twitter 24/7, they're like any other typically bored married couple.

Dear Ted:
I bet you really know what's going on with Paris and Doug, and I bet it's not good. Is this the real deal, or is this just a few more months and then they'll break up? Also, why do I have a feeling Doug is using her?
—Kim S., New York City

Dear Duh:
Because he is. But then, she's doing the same with him, so they're absolutely perfect for each other. I predict, though, no marriage. He's just not a "get," ya know? And Paris, she wants a get.

Dear Ted:
Is Judas Jack-Off Ed Westwick?
—EW

Dear Ed Who?
I take it this isn't Ed asking about himself? Well, if it is, no worries, you're not you, I mean, Judas. But we all know you have your own delicious secrets, darling!

Dear Ted:
I admire Reese Witherspoon and wonder why in the world she would agree to be Jake's "whatever"? Did Ryan do such a number on her that she lost all desire to "love" again? They do "look" well together—and I guess in Hollywood that's about as good as it gets.
—A Stewart

Dear Shocker:
You mean those au lait dates aren't for real? Whatever are you talking about, love?

Dear Ted:
I became very disenchanted earlier this year with all the Twilight nonsense. Day in, day out, only postings about that uninspired franchise. So I stopped reading A.T. Today I decided to pop on to see if you have moved on, and 75 percent is crap about R. Pattz and the gang. What the ef, dude. Give it up. I hope when I check back in a couple of months from now, it will be over and we can start getting some dish on someone worthwhile.
—Chris, Denver

Dear Harsh:
But I buried your letter—which is about Twilight, might I remind you—in the middle of the batch, can't we start over? Thanks, C.

Dear Ted:
Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the Robsten dish, and I'm a huge fan of R. Pattz, but I'm currently wanting more Chris Pine info! That boy is gorgeous, and I want to know more about him! Also, which one would you like to be on a deserted island with? Personally, I can't decide!
—Jenn S.

Dear Island Fever:
I'm a hog—I want both. And, sweetie, you and Audrina Patridge have the very same idea (and man) in mind. Can't say I blame you. That said, look for Pine to be pulling a lotta Brad Pitts on his early rise to infamy, i.e., questionable hookups. Does he not know how good-looking he is or what?

Dear Ted:
Thanks for all the R and K clues. The Awful Truth was on fire over the weekend. Please keep the clues and articles coming. Can you imagine when New Moon is actually released? Everyone will be running to the theater like they did with Mr. & Mrs. Smith.
—Sledge 

Dear Smart:
And people think Summit doesn't know what it's doing.

Dear Ted:
I miss all of your Nevis Devine talk. Is Nevis still confused or has he finally made a decision to stick with the fairer sex (girls)? Eagerly waiting.
—Ponder This

Dear Don't Understand:
Why must people who like to have sex with both men and women get constantly referred to as "confused"? Can't he just be a natural-born horndog!?

Dear Ted:
Do you get the impression Nikki Reed is just using Kristen?
—Bballgurl1on1

Dear BFF Cop:
It's Hollywood. People use each other in this town like Paris diddles men.

Dear Ted:
I'm just wondering why you're being so nice to Nikki Reed all of a sudden? I thought you said that she was an attention whore? Not that I mind—I'm actually a fan of hers. But still curious, what changed?
—Browneyedshorty90

Dear Enough!
I have not changed my mind on Nikki Reed. She's a great actress, and she's also a poseur par excellence—just don't think it's fair to call her out alone for what most of the town does 24/7, that's all.

Dear Ted:
My 10-year-old granddaughter and I had the talk—yes, that talk. I gave her the same line I gave my daughter a few decades before: men date women, men date men, women date men and women date women—all can fall in love and (in Canada) get married if they so wish. It doesn't really matter who we love as long as we love deeply and freely without fear. I wish Carrie [Prejean] was my granddaughter.
—Rhonda

Dear Granny:
You and me both.

Dear Ted:
How do you feel about the bashing K. Stew is getting from being seen with R. Pattz? Seems like everyone is praising him and calling him a hero for sticking it to Summit, but K. Stew is the one getting the ruined reputation. Looks like Summit doesn't care what it's doing to her reputation or career. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to bash on R. Pattz, but he is single...He can do what he wants. K. Stew is the one who has a Summit-issued boyfriend.
—JinNola

Dear Big Brother Cupid:
"Summit-issued"? Like its powers that be hand out who you're going to date, marry and divorce as soon as you sign the contract to star in their movies? Uh, don't think I'd go quite that far. Close, but Kristen has a bit more control here than you're giving her credit for. Ever thought she just doesn't want to be the same kind of heartbreaker some other folks in that cast might be?
______

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