NBC

Dustin Diamond, AKA Screech from Saved by the Bell, is planning to write a tell-all book about his former costars.  Listen, I’m not going to pretend I didn’t watch the show.  I may have even tweeted myself a time or two while I watched Mario Lopez run around in a wrestling singlet.  But I don’t want to know what went on after the bell rang.  I don’t want Screech selling out Kelly Kapowski for drinking too much peach schnapps at the annual Christmas party and trying to convince Jesse it’s totally normal to experiment with other girls when you’re a teenager.  Those were my formative years, and if I find out they were all a bunch of drunken whores, I’ll be forced to rethink my whole game plan and stop blaming my Uncle Gary for all of the mistakes I made.  Not a great way to spend a Saturday.