Why Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's Divorce Feels Like a Surprise, Even Though It Shouldn’t

Former couple officially called it quits by filing the paperwork

By Francesca Bacardi Apr 14, 2017 6:53 PMTags

So, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner officially filed for divorce, and once again we've been gut punched.

But why does it feel like this?

Ben and Jen jointly announced nearly two years ago that they were going to divorce—not separate. "After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce. We go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children whose privacy we ask to be respected during this difficult time," the Hollywood stars shared. "This will be our only comment on this private family matter. Thank you for understanding." 

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Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck: Romance Rewind
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It's not like they didn't lay it out plainly for devoted fans. They were ending their marriage and that was that. But then they didn't...or at least it seemed that way. They embarked on co-parenting their three kids, Violet, Seraphina and Samuel, in a way that fans aren't used to seeing from a Hollywood couple: by continuing to live on the same property. Ben and Jen grabbed coffee together, made school runs together and event went on family vacations together; it was very clear these two were keeping their children the main priority.

As their joint sightings continued, rumors of a reconciliation swirled, but a source always insisted to E! News that they were amicable co-parents.

"Their relationship is very fluid and nothing has really changed," the source dished. "They have been working at their relationship for the past few years."

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A separate insider added, "Nothing has changed [between them]. They are not back together. They are co-parenting. The most important thing in all of this is their kids."

Even Garner was willing to admit how unconventional her family had become in the wake of their initial divorce announcement. "We are definitely a modern family," she told Today in August. Their kids' stability always remained a priority. "You don't have a choice," she said, adding, "We're doing really well."

Perhaps it was because of how "well" they were doing that fans hoped they'd reconcile. Two years of relationship limbo is a long time, so it's only natural that fans would start to have hope that the divorce they announced wouldn't happen. Ben's gushing about his soon-to-be ex-wife probably didn't help, either. 

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Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck’s Whirlwind 2017 at a Glance: Rehab, Reconciliation Rumors and Divorce
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"Jen is a superhero mom. She is an amazing mother and I'm really lucky to have her as a partner to co-parent these kids with," he shared with E! News. "We try our best, we put them first and that's what we do."

Despite the gushing and sightings, sources maintained they weren't getting back together. "There's absolutely no shot of a reconciliation," an insider said in May 2016, point-blank.

Even with a harsh answer like that, their official divorce filing wasn't an easy pill to swallow. Making it even more emotional is the fact that they're going about it together.

"It was very amicable. It's a testament to how they've handled themselves the past few years. It isn't just for show," a source tells E! News one day after the filing. "Everything now is all about love and their family. They're putting their kids first, as they always do."

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And while it seems random that they've decided to now part ways, it turns out a lot of thought went into their decision, given Ben's recent rehab stay.

"There wasn't one final straw. They had been living this way for almost two years and it was time to move on," a separate source explains. "Jen has been planning to file for a few months and Ben was on board with it. She gave him a chance to finish rehab and to be in a healthy place and then they decided together it was time to take this step. It was a coordinated effort and they are on the same page." 

Because Ben was living on the family's property, the source adds that he's "figuring out" where to live, but he and Jen agree the kids should stay in their current house. Once the divorce is finalized, however, Ben and Jen will stop living together.

Perhaps it won't feel real until fans see either star romantically linked to someone new, but our source says that's not in the cards...yet.

"Neither of them are focused on dating right now," the source shares, "but they are open to it in the future."

Until then, we'll just have to get used to a whole new Ben and Jen dynamic...even though it really shouldn't be considered new.