Hugh Jackman Opens Up About the Career He Almost Had Instead of Acting: "I Felt a Bit of a Fake"

X-Men star talks about childhood, wife's fertility problems, and how he wanted to be a journlist

By Samantha Schnurr Oct 01, 2015 7:34 PMTags
Hugh Jackman, ParadeLorenzo Agius/CPi Syndication

After nearly three decades in show business, the multitalented Hugh Jackman has revealed intimate details about his very private personal life—including his short relationship with his mother, the career he left behind to pursue acting, and how he fell in love with his wife of almost 20 years.  

In an interview for the October issue of Parade Magazine, the Oscar nominee gave an intimate account of his dark childhood and how it effected his performance in the upcoming film, Pan, in which he plays the legendary Blackbeard. Like the character Peter Pan, Jackman was abandoned by his mother at a young age, inciting an adolescent period of panic and violence.

"From the moment Mum left, I was a fearful kid who felt powerless. I was the youngest. I used to be the first one home and I was frightened to go inside. I couldn't go into the house on my own. I'd wait outside, scared, frustrated. Growing up I was scared of the dark. I was scared of heights," said Jackman, who has since become an icon for playing the fearless superhero, Wolverine.

"It limited me. I hated it, and that contributed to my anger. Isn't most anger fear-based, ultimately? It emanates from some kind of powerlessness. I was really feeling that." 

While that period of darkness is long over for the seasoned actor, he now worries about his children, Oscar and Eva, who he adopted with his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, and how they will be effected by his career decisions.

"Every movie I do, I think, 'My kids are going to see this.' When it's a movie about adoption, I want to make sure that they don't feel uncomfortable. Peter Pan is a classic tale, but now we live in a different world where we're more sensitive about adoption. I'm completely comfortable [with Pan]. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have done the film."

Larry Busacca/Getty Images

While the Tony Award winner admits he always intended to adopt children having grown up with two adopted siblings himself, his original plan was also to have a few biological children. Those plans never came to fruition.

"It was a hard time. We went through IVF. Deb doesn't give up. At a certain point I was like, ‘Deb, let's adopt now,'" Jackman said. In Australia at the time, you couldn't do IVF and adopt simultaneously. So we adopted, and it has been the greatest, most fulfilling and challenging role of our lives."

While they may enjoy their new roles as parents, it was Jackman's first official role on television that united the couple. 

"We met on a TV show. I was terrified when I realized I had a crush on the star of the show. I was like, ‘My first job, the leading lady. Embarrassing. She's going to look at me like this young little puppy.' I didn't talk to her for a week," Jackman told Parade.

"Finally, she said, ‘Have I done something to annoy you?' I said, ‘Look, I've got a crush on you. I'm sorry.' And she said, ‘Oh, I've got a crush on you too. And that was 20 years ago [laughs]."

Fortunately for everyone, the Les Misérables star decided to enter the world of acting after a short stint as....a reporter. 

"The goal was to become a stringer, travel the world and file reports. At the same time, I was also doing a lot of amateur theater. It was a hobby. I didn't think that I could make a living acting," Jackman admitted. "I realized it's not really who I am. I didn't have the drive. I felt a bit of a fake."

After racking up an Oscar, Golden Globe, and Grammy nomination, an Emmy Award, and two Tony Awards, it seems safe to say that Jackman did in fact make the right career move. 

Watch: What Will Hugh Jackman Do for 20th Wedding Anniversary?