Steve Dietl/FOXSPOILER ALERT ON YOUR OWN LIFE. Read only if you want to know.
We've seen the future and it could not be more clear. In just a couple months, you will be stomping around with Muppet arms, dressed in ridonkulous couture and screaming amazing one liners like "Good evening, idiot hookers!" or "What fresh hell is this?" as you maniacally cackle with glee.
This will happen, fellow TV-loving friends. Don't fight it. It's just inevitable. Your future will be spent obsessing over Scream Queens. And it will be BLISS.
Tonight in Hollywood, Scream Queens creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, and star Jamie Lee Curtis screened for journalists the pilot episode of FOX's 13-episode horror-comedy series, set to bow Sept. 22 with a two-hour premiere.
In all sincerity, it's perhaps the most thoroughly enjoyable TV show that's premiered in years. Outrageous. Hilarious. And just so much FUN.
Scream Queens' premiere is still months away, so we have plenty of time to dig into the intricacies of why you will want to watch, but for now, here are five things you must know right away.
1. Emma Roberts will KILL YOU. In the best way possible. She owns every moment on screen (which is nearly every moment of the pilot), embodying one of the most horrifically shallow characters ever to grace the screen: Kappa Kappa Tao's Chanel. Her powerful yet hilarious delivery, her facial ticks, her weird Muppet-arm stomp and her pouty tantrum-cry are so gripping, you will hang on her every move. In all seriousness, in that first episode alone, Emma Roberts could very well WIN an Emmy. And her verbal sparring with Jamie Lee Curtis? Just…too much.
2. Nick Jonas is HILARIOUS. Who knew?! In fact, his short time on screen in the first episode is perhaps the best scene of the entire hour, as he delivers some of the douchiest lines ever uttered on television to Emma's Chanel. Word is he also "really goes there" in future episodes with some sexy (same-sexy?) storyline twists that will blow your mind. Time to look at Nick Jonas in a whole new light, world!
3. You will Laugh-Shriek. Yep, thanks to Scream Queens, the "laugh-shriek" is now officially a THING, and you will do it through some of the most gruesome, yet piercingly funny murder scenes ever to air on TV.
4. Lea Michele Is Everything and Nothing. As Hester, the neck-braced KKT pledge who doesn't utter a single line really in the pilot, Lea kills it, doing more with a few facial expressions that many actresses do in a few seasons. This is no Rachel Berry. Such a smart post-Glee role.
5. You'll Want to Live in This World. OK, maybe not the rampant murder plots , but the giant closets, the gorgeous sets and the over-the-top couture wardrobe are impeccably well done. Scream Queens is visually stunning, decadent and delicious.
So, you know, live your life, do your thing for three more months. Then on Sept. 22 I'll see you in our mutual future: Scream Queens obsession.
Can. Not. Wait.
The trailer in case you missed it...