26 Nicknames We Came Up With for Chris Hemsworth's Mighty Penis in the Vacation Trailer

Thor star's impressive anatomy deserves a mighty label for his role in the comedy sequel

By Jenna Mullins May 08, 2015 7:08 PMTags
Chris Hemsworth, VacationYouTube

WARNING: So many GIFs of a giant prosthetic penis and lots of immature penis puns ahead. Probably NSFW due to the penis-ness of it all.

We feel really bad for everyone in the trailer for National Lampoon's Vacation sequel who wasn't Chris Hemsworth. Sorry, let us rephrase. We feel bad for everyone in the trailer who wasn't Chris Hemsworth's giant penis.

No one was talking about Ed Helms or the gorgeous, funny Christina Applegate after seeing Hemsworth walk onscreen wearing nothing but boxer briefs and carrying a package in his pants so big that it was actually insulting. But in the best way possible, of course.

Since our mom raised us right, we first focused on his perfect torso when we watched the trailer, and then our eyes went to his crotch. (Happy Mother's Day, mommy!) Even though our brains knew it was fake, our eyes were all like: "Check out that big Aussie penis!" Our eyes are so gauche.

Anyway, we just wanted another excuse to talk about that scene and post photos and GIFs from that glorious moment, so we came up with a list of nicknames for Hemsworth's impressive anatomy. Maybe the marketing team behind Vacation could use it on posters or action figures. We don't know, we're just spit-balling.

You're welcome!

(Also we're pretty sure whoever made this trailer was thinking of people like us who make GIFs because the last scene where Hemsworth just stands there was definitely for us. They made sure it was a long cut so we had ample time to cut multiple GIFs from that moment. Bless you, trailer folks).

1. Thor's Mighty Hammer

2. Boxer Monster

3. Chris 9 Inches-Worth

4. Snow White and the Hungman

5. Billion Dollar Foot long 

6. Chief of Staff

7. The Oblong Dong

8. Down Under Thunder

9. Mjölnir

10. The Red Ryder B.B. Gun (aka the "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out")

11. Cabin in the 10-Inch-Woods

12. HemsWorthIt

13. The Sexual Innuendo

14. Eggplant Emoji

15. The Bifröst (so many good penis puns from Thor)

16. The Bulge That Launched a Thousand GIFs

17. The Pelvic Avenger

18. Excalibur

19. Sauron, the All-Seeing Eye

20. National's Big Lampoon

21. Magic Bullet

22. The Infinity Gauntlet

23. Look Who's Peeking

24. 2 Big 2 Boner

25. G'Day Grower

26. Big Giant Penis

Annnd we've officially run out of steam. But one thing is for sure: we would definitely like to find out if we are worthy enough to lift that hammer.