The 13 Most Cliché Hangover Cures, Ranked

Just in time for Cinco de Mayo, we've come up with a definitive list of the best and worst morning-after fixes

By Jenna Mullins May 05, 2015 7:31 PMTags
Ed Sheeran, BRIT Awards After PartyAda/GC Images

Happy Cinco de Mayo! You know what's going down tonight. And we know what's coming up later tonight/early tomorrow morning: whatever you drank and whatever you ate. We're talking about vomit, folks.

And then…the hangover. It's part of life. Unless you're 21 and are still able to drink your face off and bounce back effortlessly the next day (enjoy that while it lasts, youths), then you will be so hungover tomorrow you will probably be what we call "over hung."

So first, let us please request—nay, order, that you all party responsibly and get home safely from your Cinco de May festivities. And second, we ranked the most used and cliché hangover cures in the binge-drinking game so you know which ones to skip completely and which ones to use. You're welcome!

Note: We are not doctors, but we sometimes use WebMD so we kind of are. But we definitely do not have the authority to dole out medical advice so do not blame us if these hangover cures do not work. We are not doctors. We repeat: We are not doctors. Unless you count doctors of awesome-ness in which case…hell yes.

13. Ride it out

What are you, a caveman? Do something!

12. Keep drinking

Prolonging the hangover will just make it worse. Trust.

11. Hair of the dog

Also known as having some booze in the morning to ease the pain. Some people have a giant Bloody Mary, while others do a pull of Jack Daniels. Not your best option, unless it comes with a full meal.

10. Coffee

So you're more alert for the excruciating experience? Eff that. At least it has water in it. But did you know there is something you can drink that has more water in it?

9. Water

Yeah, you can drink actual water. Caffeine will dehydrate you, so just put some regular H2O into your system. Or better yet…

8. Drinks with electrolytes

Gatorade. Pedialyte. If it has that little extra something to replace all the electrolytes you threw out of your body like you threw caution to the wind the night before, chug it.

7. Your choice of pain reliever

Pop those pills and fire up the Netflix. Hopefully Tylenol and a Scrubs marathon will be enough to cure what ails you.

6. Long shower

Only works if you're lying down in the tub as the water washes away your shame.

5. Bland food

If you spent the morning dry-heaving, you need crackers and Sprite. The Taco Bell can come later.

4. Sweating it out with some exercise

This is a special kind of hell, because it usually works to get your heart rate up and to sweat all that alcohol out, but you run the risk of getting drunk off your own fumes again and throwing up all over yourself as you bounce away on the elliptical machine.

3. Sleep it off

Close the curtain, silence your phone (you probably drunk texted someone and you don't want to deal with that anyway), pull the covers over your head and just go full fetal. Sleeping is the way your body heals itself. And the way you damaged your body the night before, you should probably sleep for…16 hours. Good luck!

2. Eating greasy food

Chipotle. Waffle House. McDonald's. You know where to go. Go to there. It's your Mecca. Go forth and fill your tummy.

1. Death

The sweet release of death is the ultimate cure.*

*Please don't actually die.

Have fun and be safe tonight, everyone!