ABC/Nicole WilderWell we were not expecting that.
The first half of tonight's Scandal, featuring Lena Dunham, was hysterical. Dunham played a woman named Sue who wrote a tell-all about all the kinky sex she had had with some of the government's highest-ranking officials.
Abby – who had slept with two of the men described in the book – enlisted Olivia's help in getting it shut down, and at first it seemed like Sue was on board with not publishing.
She then changed her tune and was asking for a cool three million dollars to keep the book from ever seeing the light of day, and it was up to OPA to decode the fake names and try to get the men to pay up, until David Rosen – or, "The Doctor," according to the book – and his moral compass/legal obligation as attorney general stepped in.
Then, things got a little less silly.
First, Abby had to explain to Leo – known in the book as "The Dustbuster" – why she was writing up a resignation letter, and it was a rant that should probably be broadcast to the entire world. Basically, she had to resign from her job because as a woman in a public position of power, she couldn't make a move without being linked to Leo, or to David Rosen, or to the lipstick she was or wasn't wearing, or to however much weight people believed she should have gained or lost, so if both Leo and David went down for a sex scandal, she would go right down with them, along with all of her accomplishments.
It was an epic speech that turned the episode in a fantastically feminist direction, and we could not have loved it more.
OPA then dug a little deeper and found out that Sue had been fired from her previous job for not being willing to sleep with her boss after he pinned her down, which sent Olivia into an awe-inspiring rage-induced spiel about female sexual freedom, and about Sue taking her life back from her old boss.
After reporting Sue's former boss and getting her interviews at a few potential workplaces, Olivia gets Sue to completely drop the book, meaning no one's job is in immediate jeopardy anymore.
Unfortunately, not everyone fully understands that.
Huck was in quite a state through the entire episode about his immunity deal with David over last week's B613 reveal, and if David gets fired for his chapter in the book, Huck no longer has his deal.
Huck and Quinn later save Sue from being murdered in her apartment by one of the men from her book, but Huck then sliced Sue's throat on his own, explaining to Quinn that the secrets would still come out someday, and he could not jeopardize the possibility of reuniting with his family and taking down B613.
Olivia was understandably saddened and furious, but Quinn reminded her that Abby was their client, and that justice for Sue would mean bad things for Abby.
While she may never get justice, Sue did not die without making a big impression on a few lives.
Abby and Leo decided to try out chapter five of the book, which apparently involved butter, and Liv, after chickening out once, decided to get some with a random but very attractive man at a bar, finally at least a little bit free of both Jake and Fitz.
Meanwhile, the two men are sitting in the Oval Office, discussing Olivia's well-being, apparently unaware that she is moving on.
As for Sue/Lena Dunham, she doesn't seem too broken up about her death:
What did you think of the episode? Sound off in the comments!